Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
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