R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
