..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize