I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Randomize
