I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
