I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize