Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
