a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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