im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
Randomize
