So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Randomize
