if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Come share oat with me in your robe
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
