the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
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