we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
