The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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