Ambien. No doubt about it.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
i think im in europe. pls send help
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
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