I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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