Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
