I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
