don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
