unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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