You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
