Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
