Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
He told me they were just razor bumps!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
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