Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Randomize
