Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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