I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
