you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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