he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
