haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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