I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I don't deserve a penis
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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