If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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