I think I am morally bankrupt
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
