I cannot find my penis.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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