dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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