Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
