Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
Randomize