Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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