Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
