It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
