I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Mom said you looked used
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
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