Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
