I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
