there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Randomize
