I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Randomize
