I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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