I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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