He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Randomize
