If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize