The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
