remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
