somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
