i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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