I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
