She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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