I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
