we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
How many fucks given?
0.12846
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
