At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
