im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
