And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Randomize
