all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize