If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
