someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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