Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
