I feel like abortions should bother me more
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Randomize
