...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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