I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
