I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
