The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
