When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
