I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Randomize
