you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
did i walk over a car last night?
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
