His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
