Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
