i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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