i think my tv is drunk
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
