So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Randomize
