Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
