I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
