I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize
