You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I wish i was in the wii world.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
