just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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