I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
