i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
there was a trapeze. enough said
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
True strength comes from lack of pants
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize