I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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