I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
