Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
