you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
