We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
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